What you see
by silk1
Summary: ....might not be what you get. Jayne makes an interesting discovery about River that will change their relationship ...for better or worse. UPDATED!
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: Me own nothing, Joss owns all……..Me love Joss!

NOTES: Long Time, No update. I know! But this idea just did not leave me alone!

Answer to a Jaynegang Challenge…..that includes Jayne dressing up and playing the protector. Mine is with a twist. Still hope you Enjoy! This will have more chapters

_**What you see**_

„ I look like an idiot! " Jayne spat, trying to adjust the tie around his neck for what had to be the hundredth time.

"Aaaaw …no you don't!" Kaylee said from where she was leaning against the wall with a sweet grin. She walked over to him, untangling the mess he had made with the tie.

"Gorrammit!" Jayne growled, shrugging his shoulders. He felt like going to a carnival, dressed up as he was. "Can't even hide a decent gun in this thing." Kaylee rolled her eyes in exasperation. "You're not supposed to hide a gun, Jayne. You're supposed to look spiffy so you and Mal can get into the casino and snoop it out!"

Jayne gave a tortured sigh, looking at himself in the mirror. He was dressed up in a three piece suit, complete with one of those ridiculous vests the doc always wore.

"I look like a ruttin´ fool!" he said again with a thunderous voice that would have grown man scrambling for cover, but Kaylee just giggled at him.

"I think you look just right."

He made a face. This thing felt like it was hell bent on suffocating him. No wonder the doc always behaved as though he had a pole shoved up his backside…..at least part of that snobbish behaviour had to be the damn clothes!

"Don't see why she has to come though….." he murmured. Kaylee shot him an impatient look. "Cause Simon knows his way around places like that, fancy places, you know. And River …well ….she just gets to go where Simon goes. She won't make a ruckus …Simon promised."

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Apparently ……that was not true, as Jayne had the displeasure of finding out. Only five minutes in the mass of fancy people, drinking and gambling their brains away….and they had lost her. "I told her to hold my hand!" Simon said again, trying to ignore Jayne's murderous glance. Right, like that simple precaution would keep the crazy girl from going her own merry way in a crowd as loud and lusty as the people currently celebrating all around them.

Mal rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he saw his nice plan breaking apart.

"Well …can't have gotten far. We split up, look for her …and try to get the scooping done while we look around. Whoever finds her waits for the others in front of the exit, got it?"

Jayne mumbled something unintelligible, but turned around to move through the crowd. It took him only a few moments to spot the back of her …she was heading off, away from the crowd into a narrow corridor. Since he was a good deal taller than most of the people around him, he caught sight ofthe interested, significant looks of three young men gave her, grinning at each other as they followed her.

"Damn that stupid girl to hell…" he thought. " Never knows how much trouble she gets herself into …or us for that matter!"

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There was something in her face, a sudden slump of her shoulders as she looked up from where she was backed into a corner and saw him coming. A certain tension that had been in that small body, draining away. But Jayne had no time to ponder that …Mal was gonna have his neck if they even bent a hair on her head. He grabbed one of the boys by the neck.  
"You're so pretty ..Why won't …hey….get your hands off me!" the guy said, looking Jayne up and down. Jayne raised an eyebrow at him." Looks like the lil´lady won't be needin´your company." He said simply, giving the young foppish man a push for good measure.

"Do you know who I am? Do you know who my father is?" the boy asked him furiously from where he had fallen on his scrawny ass. Jayne crossed his arms in front of his chest, ignoring the groan of the uncomfortable cloth of his jacket as it was straining to accommodate the play of his muscles. "Don' t know, don' t much care."

He had seen it coming, both him and one of his friends launching themselves on him at the same time. It made Jayne chuckle…he'd been longing for a brawl ever since he had been forced to put on this stupid-ass suit. It was almost too easy to be true, they were no fighters …no finesse, no technique …things Jayne had never really needed due to his brawn. Hell, they didn't even have that. He put their lights out in less than two minutes. Shrugging his shoulders in discomfort at the suit again – no good fighting in constricted clothes like that - he was about to turn to grab that damn crazy girl, when ….

He heard a muffled thumping sound at his back and whirled around. The picture which greeted him made his eyes widen in surprise and bewilderment.

She had the third guy pinned to the wall by his neck, the knife he had meant to strike with slipping from his hand to the floor. A nasty, two edged blade…..

She had the assailant pinned to the wall with one of her feet, her leg extended straight upwards without effort, her foot applying a crushing pressure to the man's windpipe. The position made him wheeze helplessly, struggling like a rabbit caught by a snake. The position or angle did not seem to discomfort her though. Her balance was flawless, effortless on the balls of her other foot, planted firmly on the ground. It was a thing of beauty.

She looked at Jayne...and for once Jayne really looked at her. Not a furtive glance, but a straight, inquisitive look. She did not seem frail or weak or the least bit confused. She was all attention, fierce and proud and it spoke to a part in Jayne he had long since forgotten. She had saved his life, or at least saved him from a nasty wound.

River exhaled, a deep, relaxing breath and with an elegant twist of her foot, she shut off the attacker's air supply until his body went slack and he lost consciousness.

Two feet firmly on the ground again, she shifted her body carefully into what he immediately recognized as a fighting stance. Jayne only admired the subtlety of her moves, her watchful eyes never leaving his face for a second ….until Jayne understood …granted, it had taken him a little longer to catch on. But when understanding dawned on him, he stared at her in baffled, shocked silence.

He could feel a wave of annoyance and anger rise in him, just looking at her now …..those eyes of hers full of alertness and security. There was no doubt, no confusion…no babbling or flinching...the crazy girl was nowhere to be seen. Damn her!

"Damn …" she took another deep breath, straightening as she looked at him. She could read it in his face, in his eyes …..That one word said it all. And suddenly her meandering away from them in the crowd, the look she had given him when he'd turned up….it all added up…..even plain enough to see for Jayne.

"You're not crazy" he said soberly with a hint of annoyance mingled with surprise.  
She'd played them all …like some damned flute. He shook his head and growled at her, pointing a finger in her direction. "You are not crazy, Gorrammit!" .

River Tam swallowed, looking at him with a serious face that looked completely different to him now that he understood. Still, it seemed too young for all the things he could see in her dark eyes. "You cannot tell them!" she said simply. "They cannot know!"


	2. In the presence of my enemy

DISCLAIMER: It's all Joss …I just play

NOTES: WOW! Thank you all so much for your interest in this story! There will be more of course! THANK you all sooooo much! Hope you like where this will be going.

**

* * *

IN THE PRRESENCE OF MY ENEMY**

Jayne raised an eyebrow at her, frowning. "Oh you've go to be kidding me!" he was almost yelling. "Your fancy brother is lucky I don't have a gun on me right now! What the hell you two getting' at, pretending you've gone all bonkers, is what I wanna know! I got into it with Mal all over your fake craziness! Almost got blown out of the airlock on account of me not trustin' the two of you. And all the time you were playin' us!"

"Simon doesn't know…." She said simply, looking at him.

"Yeah, right….." Jayne spat at her. "Like he wouldn't know …."

"He doesn't know, Jayne …..Now you're the only one …." River told him. "And you cannot tell anyone….Please. I swear I will explain this …everything, but you cannot say a word to anyone. Please, Jayne."

He stared at her. Later, he would ponder the situation and not quite understand, why he kept his gorram' mouth shut, when Mal turned up. Later he would wonder why he didn't burst out with her secret just like that, when he saw her resuming her part of the doctor's crazy little sister without the slightest warning or effort as Simon lead her away, talking to her in his calm voice. Maybe it was the way she said his name ….maybe the fact that for once, her motives had awoken a strange curiosity, he could not suppress …

Had to be …..He could still expose her later…….maybe there was something to gain from this. Jayne hated being kept in the dark.

* * *

Jayne had waited all night long into the hours of early morning, sitting on his bed, fully dressed, gun in hand, with his back firmly against the wall. She climbed down through the hatch, down the ladder without a sound….almost like a ghost. As her feet touched the floor, the sound of a gun being cocked was the only thing that rung through the pressing silence. She looked up, pushing her hair out of her face, her eyes searching his face.

"Better stay where you are until I decide if I like what you come to tell me …" he said, aiming the gun at her. She didn't look crazy at all now, same wide dress, same too large sweater, same unruly hair ….but her face was serious and her eyes as clear as day. It amazed him how completely she played her part, how completely she had fooled them all…

"I could have let him stab you." She said simply, her voice sounding a little deeper when she wasn't mumbling incoherent phrases but actually making sense. More sense than he'd given her credit for ….

"Coulda, woulda …shoulda…." Jayne returned, swinging his legs over so that his feet touched the floor and he sat up straight. "Why didn't ya'?" he asked with narrowed eyes. For a moment she looked conflicted, but she shrugged, taking a step towards him. The gun did not seem to threaten her all that much. "You wouldn't shoot me." She said, ignoring his question."Mal would have your neck if you did."

"You think you got this all figured out, ha'?"

"Not by a long shot, but you'd be hard-pressed to explain even if you shot me in the leg …and also…" she gave him a mocking smile. " I could kill you with my brain!" Jayne frowned, remembering lying on her brother's operating table ….paralysed, helpless….For a moment, Jayne blanched, giving her an appraising look.

"I could concentrate really hard on one of those fragile, little blood-vessels in your brain und give it pinch …just a little, just enough to puncture it. Instant aneurism…you'd be dead before you hit the ground."

Jayne swallowed hard. "Can you really do that?" he asked, his voice sounding a lot more strained that he intended. She'd got to him now, damn girl. River looked at him, pursing her lips in exasperated impatience.

"If I could …do you think we'd have gotten into all that trouble back on Ariel?"

"You got a real smart mouth on you, when you're not busy playin' little girl gone crazy, you know that?" he asked her.

"I thought a guy like you would like that." She answered simply, not looking away.

Jayne raised an eyebrow, suddenly grinning. She was right, he kind of did. He liked her better this way, adamant, scathing and annoyingly perceptive. He liked her a whole lot better this way, that was for sure.

"So ...when you gonna tell Mal and your brother for that matter, 'bout that lil´secret of yours?"

"I won't." she told him seriously. "And neither will you!"

"Now ..Why would I keep your gorram´secret considering all the trouble it got me into? You tried to stab me, remember?"

River sighed, crossing her arms under her chest. She bit her lower lip in conflict of how much to divulge to this man. He could be incredibly helpful, but he could also be a risk…..

Why had she helped him and blown her cover?

" I needed Simon to do those scans…..I needed to know what effects those months had on my brain. You gut hurt in the process, I apologize …but I needed to do something drastic."

"Drastic?" Jayne scowled . "Cutting me to ribbons, drastic enough for you …maybe you are ruttin' crazy after all."

River rolled her eyes at him, evidently thinking he exaggerated.

"You got hurt much worse before….It was a risk I had to take. I needed for him to do those scans." There was something in her voice, an urgency that made Jayne frown.

"You saw'em?" he inquired, finally putting aside his gun.

"I studied them the same night, when Simon fell asleep. Nothing I did not know before…."

Jayne mulled over this, crossing his arms to give her an appraising look.

"We gonna get to the part, where you ruttin´explain to me why you even foolin' you own brother into thinking you are off your nut any time soon?" he growled.

River swallowed, taking a deep breath. "It's not like I planned on this!" she told him angrily. Still, suddenly she realized, that she needed to explain herself to someone …to share her secret that weighed her down….even if that someone was a mercenary named Jayne Cobb.

"When I came aboard this ship…..when you saw me scrambling out of that box ….I was certifiably crazy, completely out of my mind! It took weeks for me to calm down …to find myself again. And once I did …..I realized that ….I could tell no one. It is safer for everyone concerned, if they believe I'm crazy, they have to believe!"

"Why?"

"You cannot divulge things you do not know"

Now Jayne didn't like the sound of that at all. Maybe he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed…as his aunt Ida had once put it, but he was not stupid enough to misinterpret that insinuation. That moment on Ariel, when they had tried to escape…..there had been real fear in her eyes. She'd gone through an immense load of trouble to keep her cover up…..had to be exhausting as hell to play the loon even to your own brother.

"You don't want them to know ….those guys after you. You want them to think, you've gone bonkers …" he said slowly, watching her intently

"I was crazy at first. I am not making that up. I clawed my way back to sanity with everything I had in me. I did not climb out of that black pit just to feed my brother and the people who took us in to …..them."

" So that place Simon took you from, really was an academy?"

River cursed…..and Jayne's jaw almost hit the floor at the obscenity of it. Sweet looking little girls like her should not know those kinds of words!

"Of sorts ….if you want to call it that. Why don't you try how you like being strapped to a chair in some lab and having a bunch of freaks use your brain as a pincushion ….in order to force feed your brain several life-times worth of knowledge, skill and military training. See how you like it and how much your mind can take before it shatters."

Jayne pursed his lips, still looking at her. So that was what they did? That's where the effortless ass- kicking skills came from? It made Jayne weary to think of what else she could do ….

"So you mean to tell me you playin´the nut is to protect us? Our maybe yourself?"

"Both….you should know, shouldn't you? How far did selling me out to the alliance get you?" she commented angrily.

"Oh , come on now ….they came after you, crazy or not ….with a gorram' bounty hunter no less!"

"Yes …." She sighed, suddenly rubbing her arms as though she felt cold. It amazed Jayne how completely different from the crazy role she was now. There was a toughness to her that didn't quite fit with that petite little body of hers. "But they came after me …everything else is collateral damage and of no consequence to them. They just want their little experiment back. They don't care about Simon or Mal or Kaylee ….or you. But if they thought you knew anything ….if they thought I was not crazy and had told my brother what they were up to at that place ….no one would be safe."

Jayne frowned at her, scratching his neck. "You think you might just be a little overly dramatic?" To his surprise River Tam did not answer immediately. He had expected a tart remark, a scathing look, but she just looked at her feet for a minute. When she lifted her head again, she looked straight into his eyes. She walked over to him slowly ….even her movements were different now, Jayne noted uncomfortably. She stopped in front of him, so she could look into his face from close up. Her voice was eerily quiet and pressing when she spoke again. "You don't understand how those people operate, Jayne." Even if he wanted to, suddenly Jayne could not resist leaning forward to look closer into her dark eyes, dark and big like a doe's. There was a mesmerizing quality to her. "The alliance agents who arrested you that night on Ariel?"

He nodded to show her he remembered. She nodded too. "They are dead. The people who saw us in the hospital….staff, patients, the agents in the police station…..they are all dead."

Jayne huffed. "How would you know that?"

"I checked on the cortex while everybody was asleep. There was an explodsion in the hospital ...all those people burned to death. They did not even try to cover up the massacre at the station. You have to understand this about them, Jayne ….and believe me. As long as they think that the people on this ship don't know anything about what happened to me….all of you are safe."

Jayne opened his mouth to speak, but River cut him off. "Oh, of course they will try to kill you if you happen to stand between them and me. They will brush you aside like a twig on their path. But they won't really care if you live or die, if you crawl away injured to save your life. They will step over your body as though you were not even there, to get to me….as long as they believe you are completely ignorant and really think I am just out of my mind."

Jayne could feel his brow furrow up as his frown got deeper. He did not like the sound of that at all. " But if they come to believe…..even suspect that you might have acquired the feeblest piece of information about what happened to me….or if they suspect that I am not so crazy after all, they will come after you. " River went on. "They will kill you, not matter how much of a fight you put up. They will kill you and then they will move on to your family. They will every person you've come in contact with since Simon and I came onto Serenity. They will hunt down every one you could have breathed my name to. They will stop at nothing to keep their secret, Jayne. Nothing…."

For a moment there was silence, heavy and smothering. They just stared at each other until River slowly retreated a few steps, taking a shuddering breath.

"Now you know …" she said, her voice a little shaky as though she was fighting off very strong emotions. "I'm sorry."

Jayne realized how dry his throat suddenly felt. He did not care much about some random people he might have had talks with in bars or about jobs …but his family, now that was an entirely different matter. He stared at her, contemplating the fact that sometimes ignorance was indeed bliss.

"Why do they want you back so badly, River Tam? They run out of human guinea-pigs for those mind-scrambling experiments of theirs?" he asked her with a hollow voice.

He had not expected to see so much sorrow wash over her pretty face. She bit her lips again with a dry, bitter laugh that was fit to hurt his ears. She shook her head. "No…." she answered, her voice sounding just as hollow and empty as his. "I am the only one who survived."


	3. Friends & Enemies

DISCLAIMER: It's all Joss.

NOTES: This is short, but there will be more. Thanks to all who reviewed and liked this story. I just thought this would be an interesting take on River. We'll see where she leads me.

**Friends and enemies**

„What the hell you think you're doin'?"

She didn't even turn to look at him as Jayne jumped the last few inches down the ladder that led into his bunk.

"You've been watching me all week. It has to stop. Mal is already getting suspicious." She answered unperturbed.

Jayne wasn't sure what bothered him more, the fact that she felt free to drop into his quarters unannounced, the way her slender fingers inspected one of his guns with adept touches or the disconcerting fact that his threatening demeanour did not seem to impress her at all. True, he'd indeed been watching her all week long. Mostly because it puzzled him how completely she played her part, how she managed to seem completely out of her mind one minute and all composed and business- like the other. From time to time he'd even wondered if he'd just imagined that nice little chat of doom they'd had. But then there'd be those moments where she'd shoot him looks from behind her unruly hair and he'd see some of the strain this acting took on her. He'd never been a man of big thoughts, action was his domain and he revelled in a good fight….but she was good; he'd have to give her that. He didn't like it, but he could respect it.

He pursed his lips at her as though he tasted something sour in his mouth and took of his gun-belt. Hanging it on a hook next to his bed, he watched her inspect the weapon. It seemed much too big for her tiny hand.

"Oh …now that you made sure I'd keep my mouth shut ,you starting to worry my looking at you might tip him off?" he asked her scathingly.

She rolled her eyes, finally turning to look at him. "Not suspicious of me, you idiot. Suspicious of you …maybe worrying you might get stupid again and try to pull another stunt like Ariel."

"Oh …great. Thank you …..Just what I gorram needed was Mal breathing down my neck every ruttin' step I take!" It was all her ruttin' fault of course.

River shrugged, her attention turning to the weapons once more. They were all very well maintained, she noted with amusement. She'd bet anything, he'd named every single one of them. "You know …I thought after that one incident, a man like you would find a more cunning place to store his guns. I thought you might have locked them away or something, but just hanging some rug over them ….that is justnot very smart!"

Jayne watched her impatiently with narrowed eyes. Was she getting some gorram' kick out of busting his balls? She'd been trouble when he'd thought her insane, but Jayne was beginning to realize that River Tam was entirely more trouble now that he knew she was all there and sharp as one of his knives.

"Did I thank you lately for ruinin' my life?" he ground out. She checked the magazine of a semi-automatic, but he could tell she was all ears….despite the fact that she seemed pretty preoccupied with checking his arsenal. She'd not lied after all. He had not been sure what to believe so he'd gone and checked the cortex himself. If at all she'd played the whole thing down. The police station had been a bloody massacre. They'd blamed it on some psycho that allegedly had gotten free and gone on a little rampage. Yeah, right.

He didn´t like the fact that she was some misbegotten experiment and the only living specimen at that...  
What he liked even less was the fact that she´d been right on the money about what those guys who wanted her bad so badly would do. It seemed they wanted her back very, very badly ...no matter what the cost. How could she be so ruttin' calm about this?  
And who the hell where those people? After what he'd seen on the cortex...he was more inclined to run into Niska than those guys.

"You know …" he continued angrily. "…my aunt Ida used to warn me that one day some woman was gonna be the death of me. But I'd always thought she was referring to the unsavoury, promiscuous type that would slit your throat in some dingy back alley while her pimp was standing guard. Didn't think she'd have a pretty lil' thing like you in mind when she warned me. "

"I apologized." River said, putting down the gun."Would you have rather had a knife in the back?"A furrow developed between her eyebrows as she looked at him intently. "You think I am pretty?"

Jayne raised an eyebrow. How the did she come up with that….Gorrammit! He had called her pretty just now, hadn't he? What had he been thinking of?

She still watched him intently. "Aw, C'mon now…." He growled, shrugging his broad shoulders. "Have you taken a good look at yourself lately? You look like one of those gorram' china dolls you put on a shelf and don't ever touch cause they're so …expensive and ...well, allpretty like."

River seemed to mull over that while Jayne wondered how they'd gotten from her little secret turning his life upside down to talking about her looks. Was she blushing?

Jayne shook his head, trying to look away from her. Nah, had to be the light.

"Whatcha doin' here anyways?" he asked gruffly, trying to change the subject. River looked around his untidy bunk as though she was taking a mental inventory. It was her turn to shrug and suddenly Jayne realized that she looked somehow forlorn and unsure.

"I came to warn you about Mal. You have to stop watching me as though I was a very interesting bug."

"Yeah, you did that already. No more watching you play the ruttin' loon, I get it. Soo …."

He motioned towards the ladder, but the gorram girl made no attempt to leave.

"I guess….I wanted to talk to you."

Jayne's eyebrows shot upwards. Now that was a first…..people sure as hell had never sought him out for any particular conversation skills. The reason was easy …he had none.

"Talk …to me? 'Bout ruttin' what?" She bit her lip and Jayne couldn't help to find that almost endearing. Still …..She was a woman, a girl ….he didn't talk to girls…or women. Wouldn't even know what about…..well there it was, she was crazy after all. He didn't even like her …or her fancy ass brother.

"I don't know." River answered, sitting down on his bed. Jayne stared at her. He wouldn't have been more surprised had she sprouted wings and started to fly around his head.

"You are the only one on this ship who knows the truth, who knows I'm not crazy. It's exhausting, you know? You are the only one I can talk to …being me."

Jayne crossed his arms in front of his chest, staring at her questioningly. This was so not good.

"We're not exactly friends. While ago you and me ….some people would say wemight have beenenemies even."

If his assessment shocked her in the least, it didn't show. River Tam just looked up at him, unflinching and with an openness that made Jayne a little uncomfortable.

"Maybe an enemy is the closest thing I have to a friend right now."

Jayne liked the sound of that even less.


	4. Frailty

DISCLAIMER: I wish I owned Jayne …But alas …..I Don't

NOTES: Sooo everybody saw thew BDM ..Except for me …….(sniffle) we Germans get to see it in November: HEhhe except for those Lucky enough to score Tickets for a preview …like Me! YAEY!

So in my happiness a short new chapter ….Don't have any time since I am in the process of Moving! Do not worry! I intend to continue all my stories!

**FRAILTY**

„You want to know a secret?" River asked. Malcolm Reynolds looked up from pushing a heavy crate through the freight room with a frown. River Tam looked back at him wide eyed, with the shadow of a secretive smile on her face. She was sitting on top of several neatly stacked crates, her legs dangling over the edge. She looked the epitome of girlish innocence and childish joy, though she´d had to be as quick and silent as a cat. He did not even remember seeing her climbing up there. He narrowed his eyes, watching her. She seemed pretty much together right then, no wailing or haunted looks. In fact the doctor's sister almost looked kind of smug the way she loomed over him from top of those crates.

"A secret?" Mal asked. River nodded, giggling a little in that eerie way that never failed to make him nervous. Across the bay he could see Jayne straightening up from his own crate- pushing, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

River leaned forward and downwards to Mal. "You have one box too many." She whispered to him, but her breathy voice still rang across the room. She held up her finger as though to emphasize the number. "One…"

Jayne made a face, looking from Mal to her in a sour manner.

"What's she going on about?"

Mal shrugged, looking at her. "One box too many …..no fit. No room." She said, suddenly jumping down and landing safely on her naked feet, nimble as a cat. Then she made a few dancing jumps, twirling through the rows of already stacked crates as though they were a maze for her to get lost in. From up on the catwalk, Zoë watched, raising her eyebrow as she perused the freight they were smuggling.

"Could she be right?" she asked. Mal huffed, giving her an indignant look.

"I think I know how much freight my own ship will hold, thank you very much! Calculated it exactly…." He padded his pockets for the piece of paper, just as River pulled it out of the pocket of her dark blue dress. She held it up as though she was holding the Holy Grail.

"Got muddled up, too many numbers …miscalculated. ", she sing-songed. Twirling towards Jayne who gave her an angry, almost warning look. For a moment Mal was wondering whether he saw something like defiance flash though River's eyes. But then she just thrust the piece of paper into the merc's hands and strolled up the stairs. "One box …too many. It'll never fit!" she said smugly, disappearing into the corridor.

Jayne pursed his lips, not looking after her, but unfolding the crumpled up paper. Sure enough it was the page filled with Mal's calculations.

Somebody had written over and across Mal's handwriting with a red pen. Here and there several columns were completely crossed out and replaced with her own estimates. Mal raised his eyebrows. He faintly remembered the preacher telling him about lil' River Tam trying to "correct" his bible.

"Where' d she get a red pen?" Mal asked in annoyance, moving over to Jayne. He took the notes from him, staring at River's corrections. The mercenary shrugged at him with a foul look. "How am I supposed to know? She's crazy."

The thought that Jayne's seemed to say that a lot lately crossed his mind.

"What I want to know, Sir, …" Zoë said with an amused expression. "…is if she might be right." Mal looked at his second in command, then back to her River's scribbled notes.

"Something tells me she just might be …" he mumbled, his eyes moving over the crates.

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"That was some stunt you pulled!" Jayne growled a few hours later. He had been looking for her long after everybody had gone to sleep. He even had successfully dodged Wash who was looking for a night-time snack in the kitchen. She was sitting on top of some of those ruttin' heavy crates in the freight bay again, now stacked so high, that they almost reached the catwalk. River's dark eyebrows drew together and she was rubbing her forehead. It made him wonder if her head hurt. "What was I supposed to do?" she returned, sounding tired and weary. "Walk up to the captain and just tell him that …."

"Beats jumping around like a moon brained colt and making a spectacle of yourself like that, if you ask me!" He leaned his arms on the railing, looking at her.

"This is not a game!"

"No …it's not." River hissed. "You think this is fun? You think I like playing the crazy girl, skipping around one minute, wailing like a madwoman the other? Speaking the truth masked in riddles…sometimes hoping that some of the information I am trying to divulge will make it through, especially when things are important? I hate it and it wears me out. Do I look like I am having fun?"

"Might just help if you came clean then …" Jayne told her smugly. River rolled her eyes.

"I told why that is not an option. Maybe you feel comfortable with risking everybody's life but .."

"Now you hold on there, Gorrammit. If memory serves me right, you apparently have no qualms of risking mine in the process."

He could tell she was angry now by the way her brows drew together and her face became tense and hard. "You weren't supposed to know …it was an accident."

"Yeah, but I found out and ruttin' good it did me!"

"I didn't exactly plan that!"

"Well ….maybe you might wanna get it in that smart head of yours that you cannot plan everything!" he hissed, trying to keep his voice down.

"I am only too aware of that, Jayne Cobb. You think I'd be here if I could? You think I'd been to that …..place?" her voice choked on the last word. It sounded almost like it ached her to say it. River bit her lip and looked away. For a moment Jayne was taken aback …He'd seen her weak, but not like this ….she looked her age now. He could see her throat working, trying to keep it all together. For the first time she looked ….frail. Jayne growled, leaning forward to catch a glimpse of her face amidst all that messed up hair. Her yelling he could take, but bein' around crying womenfolk …he was no good with that.

"You ain't gonna cry, now are ya'?"


	5. Control

DiSCLAIMER: So not mine

NOTES: Well ..took me forever…again! But I am still writing! I just have a job that gives me very little spare time sooo. Forgive me! Hope anyone out there ist still reading this! THANKS!

Control

Before he knew it, she had smacked him one in the mouth. He had moved too close to the railing, he noticed. Close enough for her to reach him. Her tiny frame uncoiled like a snake attacking without warning, her small foot lashing out and it's toes connecting sharply with his face.

The impact made his teeth rattle. It didn't exactly hurt, because he could tell that had not been her aim. One of his hands came up, touching his lip as he moved his jaw from side to side, giving her an assessing once over looked. She did not sit curled up on her self anymore, but in an almost animalistic crouch, watching him with wide eyes, still shiny from tears that she would not allow herself to cry. But she would not let him taunt her about her apparent humanity either.

She had not meant to hurt him, just to show him what she could do …remind him …knock him down a peg.

"Ow …." He said.

"Not hardly …" she hissed, giving him a mocking grin.

Jayne grinned back at her, chuckling. The girl had some tricks up her sleeve; he had to admit….he liked it. Ever since he'd seen her take out her assailant without breaking a sweat, he'd wondered about what she could do.

"Bein' a little testy tonight?"

"Bein' an ass as usual?" she returned, lifting an eyebrow as she copied his mode of speaking exactly.

"You wanna piss me off?" he asked with an annoyed glance.

"I think you did that first…."

He could see her muscles working under her smooth skin as she shifted her balance very subtly. It made him grin again. Jayne stepped back from the crates so he could overlook the terrain better.

"You wanna play, baby?" he drawled in a suggestive manner, realising that he had made her angry with his remark about crying , but that she was probably more angry at herself ….and needed to vent….

"Let's play…." She whispered, her eyes never leaving, before she spun around and jumped off the crate into the darkness that lay beneath.

Jayne tried to oversee the terrain as he slowly descended the stairs into the freight-room, but the stacked crates had created a labyrinth of small corridors that were hard to overlook. He walked by the first one, eyes carefully scanning the darkness. He caught her fist in his much bigger hand the second before it would have squarely connected with his jaw and pulled, her small weight crashed into him. She gave a sound between a grunt and a laugh, but never lost a beat, using the momentum against him, spinning and delivering two firm kicks into his gut. Jayne ground his teeth, trying to throw an arm around her. She was fast, but he was stronger and his reach wider.

He felt the air hiss out of her lungs as he slammed her back against another wall of crates, lifting her clean off the ground. He could make out her delicate face in the dark while her whole dainty body squirmed against his hold. He had hurt her, but she didn't mind. She wanted him too. She wanted to feel something other than …wanted to feel something other than sadness and wariness. He was not above hitting women, not above hitting her and she needed that now. The gloves were off …

"Let's try not too make too much of a ruckus ….wouldn't wanna wake anybody up now, do we?" he growled at her, his voice low.

Her smile was fierce, her voice nothing more than a hiss. "Wouldn't dream of it…" River answered, kneeing him into the groin. Jayne doubled over, suppressing a curse. Quick like a cat she slipped from his grasp, cart wheeling out of the way.

Jayne ground his teeth, forcing himself to stand up straight. The ruttin' girl had learned to play dirty…

She came out of nowhere at him, just launching herself on him, but this time he was ready. He kicked the feet from under her, trying to pin her to the ground, but again …somehow she was faster, more evasive….a body should not be able to bend that way, Jayne thought to himself as they rolled across the dirty floor. He tried to get a good hold of her…yet somehow she ended up on top, straddling him…and Jayne stopped fighting for two very simple, very different reasons.

First ….she had one hand braced on his chest, the other expertly digging into his throat, her slender fingers encroaching on his windpipe. The pressure was there…subtle, but firm enough to let him know that she could crunch his larynx without much effort. Hell …from how fiercely she fought, he didn't doubt she'd be able to tear out his throat with her bare hands. Jayne knew this should worry him …and later, maybe …he would spend some time thinking about what exactly they had taught her at that place she hated so much. But just then ….there was this other thing…that had nothing to do with her fighting skills and everything to do with the fact that she was straddling him, leaning over him with her eyes staring straight into his, breathing heavily.

Her pale skin was nicely flushed from the fight, her hair falling down onto his chest and her skirt had ridden up, so that his hands were steadily touching the warm, supple skin of her thighs. For a moment, they were completely still, only their ragged breaths echoed into the silence of the room. Then something in her face changed …and Jayne thought it wiser to get his hands off her, seeing as to how she was still in a position to crush his windpipe. He carefully lifted his hands, fingers spread apart. He could see her brows knit together….

"Don't …" she said breathily. She closed her eyes, her mouth opening in a little gasp as she let the sensation of his big hands siding up her skin wash over her. The numbness she had felt just moments ago was gone, erased, blown away by something much more complicated and much more basic at the same time. Gone was the rage, the fear, the guilt …

Jayne stared at her in confusion. Was she for real?

"Are you kiddin' me?" he asked, his voice raw from the pressure her hand was exuding on his throat …and other things he did not want to ponder right about now.

River watched his face with a curious expression, then slowly let her hand on his neck relax. Jayne was not sure what do or think …if she'd been any other woman, he'd have gone for it all guns blazing. But this was River Tam sitting on his lap. He had lived quite happily thinking she was utterly nuts, and knowing the truth …how completely sane she was, had in fact made matters so much worse …being the one person who knew. He was not one for keeping secrets like that. Being forced to be her confidant, her ally had put him in a mighty uncomfortable position. Then again …Jayne thought, right now his position was not all that bad. Not at all. If he could only figure out where she was going with this …

Slowly, Jayne brought his hands back down on her knees, sliding his palms upward onto her thighs. She didn't move, just watched him intensely with those big brown eyes, her face unreadable. Slowly she took her hand from his throat, putting it next to her other hand on his chest, sliding over tense muscles, feeling the warmth and his accelerating heartbeat. She moved her body slightly; angling it differently and the movement made Jayne suppress a groan and grab her hips to keep her from moving. River gave a startled yelp, staring into his face.

He looked angry again, surly and surprised. She leaned down, bringing her face closer to his to stare into his blue eyes that had started burning with some intense, dangerous fire.

"Playing a dangerous game there…lil' girl." He ground out. River couldn't help but smile …this was most unexpected. "I thought you liked to play …rough" she answered, her lips so close that they brushed his mouth when she spoke. This was new …this was tantalizing and wild and unpredictable. This was as far removed from the dangerous plotting, from the careful manoeuvring and playing her part as the ship's loon as possible.

"Oh you've gotta be …"  
River was fascinated …wondering. What would it feel like to …she dipped her head forward, her breath mingling with his.  
"Gorram kiddin' mm…." Her lips cut him off.

Had they taught her how to kiss too? She pressed her lips to his, her tongue slipping into his mouth without hesitation, exploring, teasing….there was nothing clumsy or awkward about it. The thought shot through Jayne's mind as their tongues met almost automatically. Reciprocating without thought. What else had they uploaded into this girl's brain? It made Jayne wonder what else they had taught her …

Well …two could play this game. He sat up, throwing his arms around her in a bear hug, pulling her tight against his body. She didn't struggle, didn't squirm …all she did was lean into him. Molding her whole body to his in all the right places. Damn …

Inside, River laughed …elated. This was a wild thing, unpredictable, dangerous and uncontrollable and she liked it. She wanted it …to let it go….to give control over to something…someone else…

She felt small, fragile …and suddenly, that was alright. It felt good to let go, to let herself be surrounded and held by the walls of muscle and brawn that was Jayne Cobb. It felt good, it felt right ….she could be weak here. She could allow herself to be soft and relenting …

She could feel his stubble on her neck, his lips wandering about, just like his hands …and that was okay too. No more numbness, no more control…

His hair was short, always so short …military buzz cut, even if he was miles away from being military…still she managed to yank his head back by his hair, to stare into his eyes. His blue ones, locking with her brown depths. "You know I am using you, right?" she asked, her voice hitched in her chest, somewhere between a gasp and a whisper. For the first time, Jayne gave her a broad, almost naughty smile. "Right now…" he rasped, moving his hands up her upper thighs in a circular kneading motion. "…I don't much care!"

She laughed, grabbing his face between her hands to kiss him again, hard and deep.

"Didn't think you'd have this in mind when you wanted to play though …" he told her, his voice deep and raw next to her ear. River pushed her hands under his shirt. "Shut up, Jayne!"


End file.
